Summary

You can't speed Friends without ends
You can't spell Families withou lies
You cant spell Lover without over

In this blog, I am going to attempt to convince you that Estrangement can be considered a healthy and normal way to protect yourself from toxic family, “friends” frenemies, (and annoying work colleagues). .
Estrangement is just a simple boundary that can enable personal peace and harmony.
Estrangement doesn’t have to be permanent, nor does it have to be applied with anger, or resentment. Moreover, it should be applied with a substantial measure of apathy or positive sublimation.
It appears to be a strange character flaw that we willingly cling to toxic relationships that cause more harm than good. We naively hope that things will get better, despite repeated disappointments and the likelihood that they never will.
Prisons and graveyards are filled with family and “friends” that never set boundaries and instead allowed things to spiral out of control.

Without estrangement, the earth’s population would not have spread as far and as fast as it did.

WTF is Estrangement?

Estrangement is just a fancy name for “Ghosting“; or as we say in our family “snipping” e.g. “you should snip that bitch…get the scissors

Estrangement refers to being alienated or separated in feeling or affection. It can often manifest as hostility or unfriendliness between individuals or within families.
Some reports suggest that 1 in 4 families have some form of estrangement.

What are some reasons for Estrangement?

Arguing with a fool makes you become one

Reasons include abuse, neglect, betrayal, bullying, destructive behavior, and disagreements over matters like sexual orientation, choice of spouse, gender identity, religion, or political views.
You experience negative feelings before, during, or after you spend time with them.
You dislike what they say, what they think, and how they behave.

Why is there conflict?

When arguing with a fool be mindful they might be thinking the same thing

It’s sometimes interesting to contemplate why they behave the way they do – it’s fun to pretend you are an intellectual psychologist with the latest pop culture terms and all the insight. Other times it can be more useful to just not GAF.

If they (or you) have narcissistic tendencies or don’t self-reflect they will probably not be aware of their contribution to the disharmony. So even if you discover a good reason it probably won’t do any good.
Those who seek answers in frameworks like Attachment Therapy, PsychoAnalysis, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, etc, might be interested in discovering the reasons behind behavior but again it may help you but not the relationship.

What matters most is how you feel and the story you want to write…

: plus 3 months’ probation on release!

Some parents will never be what you want them to be

1 in every 3 people is a jerk. If it's not them it must be you

We tell ourselves that our story is unique but the deeper truth is that the details may be unique but the plot is the same for 10’s of millions around the world.
Sometimes a parent’s only useful purpose (in your life) is to create you. They have placed you on a family tree that spreads 10’s of thousands of years, past, present, and future…and that alone is sufficient reason to have some silent gratitude towards them.

Easy to say of course but hard to reconcile emotionally. There was a time in my life when I held anger and resentment towards my father for his blatant neglect but over time I realised I just didn’t care anymore. It’s when I realized the opposite of love is not hate but apathy.

What if they said exactly what you wanted to hear?

Arguing with a fool proves there are two

As a thought experiment, you could ask yourself this question, and how you would respond if they did.

It might feel liberating, or perhaps awkward, or perhaps just empty if they said what you wanted to hear. Regardless they will never utter those words for many reasons the main one being is they can’t find the words to tell themselves let alone explain reasons to someone else.

But I sill have some love for them!

Only a fool loves unconditionally - (me)

You might have been programmed from childhood to believe you do, but sometimes that idea is just malware that needs to be uninstalled from your brain. Isn’t it hard to love someone who continually mistreats you, or someone you don’t like?

Conclusion

Fcuk their story now. Instead, focus on your story!
Always have your scissors ready to snip snip bitches

The Joy of Estrangement