You can't spell Friends without ends
Summary
It appears to be a strange character flaw that we willingly cling to toxic relationships that cause more harm than good. Despite repeated disappointments, we naively hope that things will get better. Estrangement should be considered a healthy and normal way to protect yourself from toxic family, “friends,” or frenemies.
People change, circumstances change, relationships change. Siblings turn on each other, Parents and children disagree, family and friends betray.
Prisons and graveyards are filled with family and “friends” who never set boundaries and instead allowed things to spiral out of control.
You can't spell Families without lies
WTF is Estrangement?
Estrangement refers to being alienated or separated in feeling or affection. It can often manifest as hostility or unfriendliness between individuals or within families. Some reports suggest that 1 in 4 families experience some form of estrangement.
- It is just a fancy name for “Ghosting” or, as we say in our family, “snipping,” e.g., “you should snip that b!tch for 6 months…get the scissors!”
- Estrangement is just a simple boundary that can enable personal peace and harmony.
- Estrangement doesn’t have to be permanent, nor does it have to be accompanied by anger or resentment. It is best applied with apathy or positive sublimation.
You cant spell Lover without over
Benfits of Estrangement
Without estrangement, the earth’s population would not have spread as far and as fast as it has. For some, leaving people behind can be incredibly liberating.
Arguing with a fool makes you become one.
What are some reasons for Estrangement?
- You experience negative feelings before, during, or after you spend time with them.
- You dislike what they say, what they think, or how they behave.
- 1000 people have 1000 reasons, but they might include abuse, neglect, betrayal, bullying, destructive behavior, and disagreements over matters like sexual orientation, choice of spouse, gender identity, religion, or political views.
When arguing with a fool be mindful they might be thinking the same thing
Why is there conflict?
It’s sometimes interesting to contemplate why people behave the way they do – it’s fun to pretend you are a psychiatrist with the latest pop culture terms and all the insight. Other times, it can be more practical just not to GAF.
- If they (or you) have narcissistic tendencies or don’t self-reflect, they will probably not be aware of their contribution to the disharmony. So, even if you discover a good reason, it probably won’t help them or you.
- Some seek answers in frameworks, but often, these offer zero help in resolving issues.
- What matters most is how you feel and the story you want to write…
1 in every 3 people is a jerk. If it's not them it must be you
People will never be what you want them to be
- There was a time in my life when I held anger and resentment towards my father for his blatant neglect, but over time, I realised I just didn’t care anymore. He neglected me during the first part of my life (as did my mother), and I neglect them in the last part of theirs. It’s when I realized the opposite of love is not hate but apathy.
- We tell ourselves that our story is unique, but the deeper truth is that the details may be unique, but the plot is the same for 100s of millions around the world.
- Sometimes, a parent’s only useful purpose (in your life) is to create you. They have placed you on a family tree that spreads 10s of thousands of years, past, present, and future…and that alone is sufficient reason to have some silent gratitude towards them.
Arguing with a fool proves there are two
What if they said exactly what you wanted to hear?
As a thought experiment, you could ask yourself this question and how you would respond if they did. It might feel liberating, or perhaps awkward, or perhaps just empty if they said what you wanted to hear. Regardless they most likely will never utter those sweet words for many reasons, the main one being is they can’t find the words to tell themselves let alone explain reasons to someone else.
Only a fool loves unconditionally - (me)
But I still have some love for them!
You might have been programmed from childhood to believe you do, but sometimes that idea is just malware that needs to be uninstalled from your brain. Isn’t it hard to love someone who continually mistreats you, or someone you don’t like?
Only a fool doesn't set boundaries
Conclusion
- Fcuk their story now. Instead, focus on your story!
- Always have your scissors ready to snip snip bitches
